Today’s the day and the r/WoW moderators and community got an early start with quite a few April Fools posts, beginning with a big page revamp and announcement they were switching from WoW to Final Fantasy 14!
Announcement: We’re leaving WoW and joining the Weebs!
That’s it. We give up. We’re joining the Weebs.
Greetings Warriors of Light & Hello Champions.
As moderators of this subreddit, we’ve decided that we’re tired of farming rares on The Forbidden Reach, and you all should be as well. Looking forward to 10.1, the changes in affixes are too difficult for us and we’ve decided to move on from the game in protest until our issues are addressed.
The good news: Have you heard of the critically acclaimed MMORPG called Final Fantasy XIV? It has a free trial all the way through the amazing Heavensward expansion and plenty of content! You will be able to find us there grinding our relic weapons.
Tired of farming valor? We have tomestones you can farm. The work order system too confusing for you? Craft with Macros instead and just post on the Market Board like you used to! I know I’ll be crafting my BIS set then pentamelding it! Toxic players in LFG complaining about your DPS? Here DPS meters will get you banned so nobody will know how bad you are at the game!
And as we all know, Transmog Glamour is the real endgame. Final Fantasy even has housing! Tired of your generic garrison. Now you can join a lottery for a chance to maybe get a house and put your own lalafell lifter!
Tired of being surrounded by Furries like the Tauren? I know I am, I very much prefer my anthropomorphic characters to be sexy!!
For those of you interested in continuing to play and discuss a substandard game, please check out /r/ffxiv. They have recently made some very poor life choices. In the meantime please bear with us as we implement the required changes to the subreddit.
For those interested continuing to follow the MDI you can do so here.
They then went on to more standard April fools fare, the classic fake patch notes!
In the interest of trying to reach out an olive branch to Blizzard, we have prepared the following patch notes in an attempt to find a middle ground:
All cooldowns should now be off the GCD.
In the interest of making sure you have time to press the cooldowns, we are setting the GCD to 2.5 seconds baseline.
The addon API has been sunset. If you’re really that good you can play without WeakAuras. Using 3rd party tools is now bannable offense.
AoE effects will now display as they resolve. You can react just fine without knowing where AoEs are coming from.
/script SetCVar(“cameraDistanceMax”,XX) has been disabled to promote fair play.
Gem sockets should be available on all equipment. Jewelcrafters should have the ability to attempt to force multiple gems into a socket that already has a gem. This won’t always succeed and the gem might break.
Add a housing system. Seriously. We’ve been asking for this for years. No garrisons don’t count.
Healers you want to DPS? Fine. All your globals are DPS and all your heals are now off the global. Have fun.
Factions are being removed from the game. Its not like they serve a purpose anymore since BfA ended.
Hearthstone Triple Triad is now available in game.
Tired of playing the story? Come get distracted for a few weeks in the Golden Saucer! Unlike the Darkmoon Faire, it NEVER closes.
All mounts Fly. Yes even that one.
Alliance
Humans are now known as Hyur. Humans are boring in fantasy settings anyway so I’m sure you prefer that.
Gnomes are now cuter and will be known as Lalafell. Don’t worry, you can still kick your favorite guildie FC member, but now you can also bake them too.
Dwarves and are being removed. All dwarves will be race changed to Lalafel to maintain the appropriate height.
Night Elves are now Wildwood Elezen. Wood Elves are soo cliche, so lets add some spice.
Void Elves are now Duskwight Elezen. See above, but you still get to be edgy.
Draenei and Lightforged Dranei are now Xaela and Raen Au’ra respectively. We respect the RP community and 90% of all R34 art will continue to be focused here.
Worgen will find themselves logging in as Hrothgar. If they want to be furries in combat, why yuck their yum?
Dark Iron Dwarves are being renamed to Hellguard Roegadyn. You went through the effort to unlock them, and we wouldn’t want to force you into being a Lalafell would we?
Kul’tiran Humans will now be Roegadyn Sea Wolves to maintain their Pirate Identity.
Mechagnomes have been removed from the game. Nobody liked them anyway.
Horde
Orcs and Mag’har Orcs are being converted to Midland and Highland Hyur respectively. You chose a generic fantasy race, so we’re leaning into that decision for you.
Undead will also be converted to Highland Hyur to maintain their identity as “Edgy Humans”
Tauren and Highmountain Tauren will both be converted to Helion Hrothgar. If you REALLY wanna play a furry. Sure.
Trolls will have their backs straightened out so they can be Elezen. Now you can finally be as tall as you are meant to be.
Zandalari Trolls are being removed. The only reason they were there in the first place was so trolls can stand up straight.
Blood Elves are now Viera. Lets be real, you only rolled Blood Elf because you wanted to be sexy, and Veira are hot.
Nightborne are also being converted Duskwight Elezen. They’re just edgy elves much like Void Elves anyway.
Goblins only have access to the new crafting classes. Go work that market board you.
Vulpera are now known as Mi’quote. Now you can be even sexier.
Neutral
Pandaren will now be known as Miqo’te. We must preserve the cute factor.
Drac’thyr will now be known as Au’ra. We must preserve the hot factor.
Warrior
Arms warriors are now Samurai. Much cooler 2 handed class anyway.
Fury warriors are now called Dragoons, to preserve the APM requirements to assist in your carpel tunnel and facilitate floor-tanking.
Protection warriors no longer use Shields. Instead they tank things with pure rage and a 2 handed weapon. This will make gearing your character more streamlined.
Hunter
Marksman Hunters are now Bards, so we can get that Buff Class we always wanted.
Beast Mastery hunters will be rolled into the Summoner specialization. This not only allows them to keep their pets, but keeps them from getting too confused by the rotation.
Survival Hunters have been removed from the game. Blizzard made a mistake, so lets just pretend they never existed.
Mage
Fire, Frost and Arcane will all be rolled into a new specialization class called “Black Mage”. They will keep their Rune of Power Leylines ability.
Rogues
Why do we still call Ninjas “Subtly” rogues. They’re ninjas, and Ninjas are cooler.
Outlaw rogue will be ported over to the new system shortly. We love the idea of maintaining the Pirates vs Ninjas trope. Knowing Blizzard this will likely cost a raid tier though.
Assassination will now be Machinists. There are too many melee classes in the game and Rogues need a ranged option.
Priest
Holy Priest will still be the most generic possible healer as a White Mage. You’ll be fine.
Discipline Priests are unique in healing by DPSing, so the obvious decision here is Sage.
Shadow priests are picking up a Spear and will become Dragoons moving Forward. Lets be real we only bring you for PI Dragon Sight anyway.
Warlock
In an attempt to allow Demonology Warlocks to maintain their identity as a pet specialization we are converting them to Scholars. Don’t worry, most of your global are still DPS casts. You just heal between them.
Affliction Warlocks have been removed from the game. DoT classes are too complicated anyway.
Destruction Warlocks will join Mages in Turretting Fire spells while eating mechanics to the face as a Black Mage.
Paladin
Protection Paladin has been renamed to just Paladin. Captain America’s Shield is being replaced by a spell called “Unlimited Blade Works”
Retribution Paladin is being removed from the game temporarily for yet another massive rework. It will return in the next expansion in 11.1 as Blizzard will likely need time to focus on other class design during this overhaul.
We know Holy Paladins really love managing Blessing of Summer, so we will let them continue to micro-manage party buffs as Astrologians.
Druid
Guardian Druids will maintain their role as the most annoying tank to heal in the new Gunbreaker class!
Resto Druids will randomly be assigned between White Mage and Astrologian as really all they do is put HoTs out anyway.
Feral Druids have been removed from the game. None of you liked us anyway.
Balance Druids are now Dancers. We’re tired of the raid team giving you all the buffs. Now you can buff everyone else.
Shaman
Elemental Shamans will now play Red Mages so they can be useful as a Res-bot.
All Enhancement Shamans will be converted to Ninjas to assist you further with your carpel tunnel.
We’ve heard feedback Restoration Shamans miss Vesper Totem. Totems are pets right? I think scholar fits best here.
Monk
Monk is being renamed to Monk. Monks punch things. Why do we need them to do anything else??
Demon Hunters
We are finally adding a 3rd specialization for Demon Hunters. The Reaper specialization is being added for you edgelords to have something extra to play.
The development time for Reaper was longer than expected. We expect Havoc and Vengeance to be reimplemented at a later date.
Death Knights
Blood Death Knights have been renamed to Dark Knights. With the loss of Vengeance we really need an edgy tank to stick around.
Unholy and Frost are being rolled into the new Reaper specialization.
Demon Hunters are being removed from the game. With only one specialization there really isn’t a point.
Evoker
Evokers can now play any class they want, as it should have been from the start.
Then we have an outrageous new Twitch drop to not look forward to:
The community got right in there and joined the FF14 conversion fun immediately, with some classic repeated posts getting slightly tuned:
There’s plenty more to be seen over on r/wow, and even more will arrive during the day. Meanwhile we’ll be keeping an eye out for the official Blizzard April Fools entries as well!
